WIZtory: The Life & Times of the Sim League DC Wizards

[NOLa.]

What was the ultimate reason you accepted Horry's offer? Is it his versatility as a point forward, youth, or some other factor?

[J2]

J2: Just about every reason you can think of, to be honest. First off, there isn't a power forward in the league who is as versatile as Rob. Wait, I forgot Terry Mills. But other than him, nope. Combine that with his age, and it's not hard to see why someone offered him that contract in spite of his low statistical production. Secondly, we just tasted the playoffs for the first time in a long time. If we declined to re-sign Horry, we'd have a hard time replacing him, thus making it hard to stay competitive. It was just too hard to take ourselves out of contention and essentially look to rebuild over a non-max contract that was justifiable. So we accepted it.

[IamQuailman]

Awarded 5 points (towards preseason presser 5pt cap).

[J2]

1997 Wizards Media Day

It was completely silent in the room, which was odd for a press conference, especially one that the fans had been waiting for ever since the Wizards flew out of Dallas at the end of last season. If you had to find one reason as to why the place was so deathly quiet, however, one had only to look at the podium, where armed guards surrounded GM J2, star PG David Wesley, hometown hero Joe Smith, free agent signees Marcus Liberty & Tyrone "Muggsy" Bogues, and recently drafted SG Ron Mercer. Yes, armed guards, and it looked like they meant business. The eerie silence was broken as GM J2 began to speak.


J2: Good afternoon, all. I suppose you're all wondering why I've asked security to step in for this conference. As you all know, last season's press conference was a travesty, a circus sideshow orchestrated by...

*he glares at Wesley, who shrinks down in his seat*

...Several of our players, namely one Robert Keith Horry Jr. I can assure you that such a spectacle won't happen again, as I have taken precautions to ensure it. But let's move on, shall we? Last season was a magical one, one that greatly exceeded the expectations of everyone in this building.


Marcus Liberty: Not me, I was in Chicago. I didn't give a damn.


Muggsy Bogues: Ditto. I was in Cleveland though.


Ron Mercer: ...I thought you guys were still the Bullets, what happened?

...fine. We exceeded some of the expectations of the people here. Anyway, we managed to capture the 4th seed in the Eastern Conference, and from there, were were able to take advantage of a few lucky breaks and matchup advantages to reach the NBA Finals! There were a few players who unfortunately weren't around for our run, namely Nick Anderson and Duane Causewell. We thank them for their years of service to our organization and for their parts in turning this franchise around, and we wish them the best and hope that they continue their future success in the NBA.

As you know, we lost the Finals matchup against the Dallas Mavericks, 4-2, but we are thankful to have gotten that far, and proud to have stood our ground against such a great organization. We again want to congratulate the Mavericks and their GM, Darth Vegito, on gaining their well-deserved NBA Championship! The hardest thing about achieving success is maintaining it, and our goal heading into the offseason was figuring out how to ensure that we would not be one- or two-hit wonders, but would remain a competitive squad for years to come. To that end, we took a good, hard look at our team, and saw that our biggest contributors statisically were all coming back for next season. We also made note of the fact that our recently-acquired big man Joe Smith was only 21 at the time.

*Smith, who was listening to his Walkman, lifts his headphones*


Joe Smith: Yo man, did you say something?

....................................................

*Smith shrugs and resumes bobbing his head to the music*

...with that knowledge, and the fact that we were confident that Wesley & Horry had developed into a combo capable of carrying the team while we shuffled the deck, our plan of action was to begin surrounding Joe with fellow young talent, while also using our cap space to sign veterans that would help stabilize the team and provide additional leadership. We then turned our attention back to the draft, since we had already begun scouting talent as early as the All-Star Break. One particular player caught our eye, and that was Ron Mercer. His ability to score inside rivaled Joe's, and we felt that his lack of shooting range was actually a plus, as it complimented our primarily outside-focused team perfectly. However, we did not have a pick at that time, and thus turned our attention to a talent that we felt was more within our ability to acquire, Tony Battie. What stood out for us with him was his potential as a jump-shooting big man, a feature that also had drawn us to Gheorghe Muresan last offseason. We were fortunate to not only trade for a pick that became high enough to select Mercer, but also to find a willing trade partner that would give us the opportunity to select Battie as well. And so we came away from the draft in high spirits.

However, once Free Agency hit, we found ourselves unable to reach deals with numerous players, and were also unable to complete negotiations with our own players, namely Horace Grant and Gheorghe Muresan. I blame myself for that, as I severely underestimated the demand for their services. But, we were able to quickly refocus and reach deals with two quality players who we originally did not have on our list, Muggsy Bogues & Marcus Liberty. Upon meeting with them, we were convinced that they were perfect fits for our team, and worked hard to come to terms with them. We are pleased to have them, ad welcome them into the family, especially Muggsy, who is actually making his return to DC.

...I believe that covers most of it, I'm sure your questions will allow for further expansion. At this time the floor is open for questions, you may direct your questions at me, David, Joe, Muggsy, Marcus, or Ron. Are there any questions at this time?

Some Random Douche: ...Yeah. Hey Muggsy, are you standing or sitting?

*Muggsy flips him the bird*

Security, please remove this idiot from the premises. Next question, please.

[Nick Malone 77]

Nick Melon; Charlotte Observer: With your tremendous climb to the NBA Finals last season many think this can be a team worthy of possibly fighting the Knicks and Celtics to claim its first Atlantic Division crown. With the team you had last year and the pieces you lost and brought in, do you fear that the lacking front court will hurt you when playing against the likes of Zo and Robinson on a nightly basis and do you think you can get back to the Eastern Conference finals or is it too early to tell with the team you've amassed?

[J2]

Welcome back to DC, Mr. Melon. Yes, we're none too excited about the prospect of facing monstrous big men like Mourning and Robinson with our young and inexperienced frontcourt. However, we were terrified during the playoffs as well, as those two had dominated much tougher men than Horace Grant & Gheorghe Muresan. Last season taught us that anything is possible, and that a strong team effort, with contributions from everyone, can make up for almost any flaw or unfavorable matchup. As for returning to the Eastern Conference Finals, it's far too early to say for sure. That's not because of a lack of confidence, of course. You might recall that we had to make a few tweaks and trades in order to find our groove last season, it's simply unrealistic to assume that we can just march right back as-is.

[NOLa.]

With a small step back from Wesley this offseason, who do you think in particular will step up to fill that void? We here in Sacramento think Horry will have a career year and feel your team may need to depend on him more than previous seasons.

[J2]

*J2 grins evilly*

...I think I'll let David handle this one.

*Wesley gulps*


David Wesley: I'll admit, I dropped the ball big-time during this offseason. I guess I was so hyped about what I'd been able to do for my team, that I stopped thinking about how to improve upon what I'd already done. Personally, and I'm being honest here, I don't think anyone else on this team needs to step up. I should be able to put this team on my back and prove that I ain't lose nuthin.' It's my job as leader to...what the?!

*The lights start flickering, before suddenly going dark. It's a good thing too, otherwise you'd be able to see J2's face darken considerably. The room remained dark and quiet for a bit, then music started playing, and a voice spoke*



Mystery Voice: ...When a team's leader gets full of himself...
...His skills shrivel up, and die...
...And a dark shadow falls over his soul...
...From the ashes of a once great Point Guard, has risen a curse...
...A void that must be filled...
....We search the team for a vindicator, someone to strike fear into the black hearts of the same teams who look to destroy us...
...The battle between good and evil has begun...
...Against 28 other teams, lies the dark warrior...
...The champion of good...
...With a sick 3-point shot...
...And a mission of justice...
...This
...Is
...Horry.

*The lights come back on to show Robert Horry standing on the podium with a long black coat, and orange facepaint with black stripes (mimicking a basketball), with his finger pointed at a bewildered (and embarrassed) David Wesley. The guards rushed at him, but the cord he'd used to drop down there pulled him back up toward the rafters, causing the guards to crash into each other, knocking the podium over*

That sonuva...pick that podium up, you morons, and go after him already! Jeeze...

...He ain't have to call me out like that, yo.

...Lemme take it from here. When we talked, J2 mentioned that he was worried that he'd overused Wesley throughout last season, so that by the time the Finals rolled around, he was worn out, and Penny slaughtered him. I signed under the assumption that me and Goldie - that's Anthony Goldwire to you guys - would be there to give David the help he needs, so that he wouldn't be playing 40 minutes night in and night out, 82+ games. I'm pretty sure another reason why J2 went after me is because he knows that I'm more than capable of stepping in and starting if something goes wrong. And well...I'm not saying that something's wrong, but the pieces were put in place just for handling scenarios like this. And as for stepping up, well, if Horry's got the balls to pull off stunts like this, then he's certainly got the balls to step it up on the floor if we need it.

[J2]

Are there any more questions?

Some Random Douche: Where's Horry?

How the hell did you get back in here?

Some Random Douche: No security, remember?

......

[Soundwave]

Clark Kent, Daily Planet:

I'm on to you. I know the nice guy act is just a disguise. When will you reveal the true evil mastermind that hides behind that facade?

[J2]

What makes you think I haven't done so already? I did manage a suspiciously quick turnaround, after all...

[Deleted]

Sterling Archer, smd, would you explain how exciting you playoff run was last year internally within your organization ?

[J2]

For me, it was the ultimate test for us. You could make a case that we weren't supposed to beat the Magic, we definitely weren't supposed to beat the Celtics, we damn sure weren't supposed to beat the Knicks after going 7 games with Boston, and we weren't supposed to actually give the Mavs a fight. So for me it was exciting, because with every game we were proving that win or lose, we belonged and deserved to be here. Validation, you know?

I ain't have nothing to validate, so I was just excited to go up against some of the big names and test my skills against them. There's a big difference between facing Barkley, Zo, Coleman, D-Rob, Dream, Sabonis, guys like that in the regular season, versus meeting them in the playoffs. So that was cool, with every round it was like, "Aw yeah, I get to go up against _______, let's see how this goes." And it was also about living the dream, you know? I mean, who doesn't imagine going to college in your hometown area, then playing pro ball for your hometown team, and then bringing them to the NBA Finals in front of all your people? Sophmore year in the NBA and I'm doing just that man, it was amazing.

Sometimes, clawing your way up from the bottom is a disheartening process. Nobody wants to play for you in Free Agency. Every move you make backfires somehow. It's a revolving door of talent. You start wondering if you're doing it right, maybe you're just not good enough. You're cheerful because you honestly don't expect any better, polite because nothing's worse than a sore perennial loser. You're always cautious, constantly planning for failure, because dammit, you haven't earned the right to be confident in what you've already done. And then you go on that run, and it's like a weight's been lifted. You suddenly feel comfortable. Your attitude's now good not as a mere mask, but out of genuine appreciation for where you are and how far you've come. For me, it was a change on outlook and how I approached my job when I needed it most.