Post by JNR on Dec 18, 2014 10:15:28 GMT -6
The lights go out in the press room. A projector whirrs and a screen behind the podium lights up with the familiar shot of a basketball game. Marv Albert’s voice is heard shouting. If you’re a Wolves fan, you may want to close your ears.
Marv Albert: And it’s over! The Warriors beat the Timberwolves in 7 games in the first round of the playoffs! That was one of the better 1 vs 8 matchups I’ve ever seen, but David could not slay Goliath on this day!
Bill Walton: Watch out for these Wolves, though. They may be cubs now, but they will grow into Wolves before their run is up.
The footage switches to the next year, with the Kevin Johnson fist-pumping on the Wolves floor. Chris Webber shakes his head as he walks off court.
Marv Albert: The Wolves SWEPT on their home court. This team still has not tasted success in the playoffs!
Again the footage switches to a sad Chris Webber. Grant Hill tries to put his arm around Webber, but he shrugs it off.
Marv Albert: Another year, another sweep. And with Chris Webber reaching the final year of his rookie deal, you have to wonder if he wants to go somewhere with a better chance at a title!
Bill Walton: The Wolves are a good team, but the West is strong and they clearly don’t have the tools to compete with the beasts of the West.
One more switch. Shawn Kemp and Cedric Ceballos are hugging. Confetti drops to the floor as Grant Hill and Chris Webber slowly walk towards the locker room.
Marv Albert: The Warriors move on! The Wolves with another second round exit. Was this Grant Hill’s last game in Minnesota?
The projector clicks off harshly and the lights return. When they do, Wolves GM The JNR is standing at the podium. Seated next to him are Grant Hill, Chris Webber, Robert Pack, and Allan Houston.
The JNR: I believe you can’t move forward without acknowledging the past and learning from it. Our past in recent years has been bittersweet. Yes, I’ve turned this team into a perennial playoff team since trading away Clyde Drexler all those years ago. Eventually, though, playoff appearances aren’t enough. We wanted to win a playoff series, and we’ve now done it for two straight years. But we’ve reached the time where that too is no longer enough.
JNR gestures to Grant Hill, who smiles.
The JNR: With our financial situation, many people assumed that Grant Hill would be in another jersey this season. I won’t lie to you, it was very close to happening. I was afraid of spending too much money, afraid of being stuck in playoffs purgatory. Grant found a great offer in Oakland, and I almost let him take it.
But I couldn’t let it happen.
He bangs his fist on the table. Robert Pack jumps and lets out a girly squeak.
The JNR: I’ve worked too hard with this team. Grant and Chris are 26 and 25, respectively. This team is young and while we still have work to do, we don’t think we’ve reached our ceiling. This team has faced adversity every step of the way. It has gotten harder and harder ever year. But so have we.
Chris Webber: That sounds kinda dirty, sir.
The JNR (ignoring): That’s the thing about steps, gentlemen. They ascend. And every tough step we makes gets us closer to the ultimate prize. We have run into buzzsaws in the West, but we continue to get better. We’ve fortified our team with valuable depth. Doug Overton, Todd Day, and Oliver Miller will be very helpful in strengthening our bench. Tyronne Lue showed a ton of improvement in training camp. We’ve continued to stress defense, and we’re planning on sending Allan to a defense camp where he can improve his ability to stay in front of his man.
Allan Houston: Defense camp? That’s not like an internment camp, is it?
The JNR: We may have lost Michael Jordan, but I think this team is still better than it has been. Our goals haven’t changed. We’re ready to compete for a championship. Our commitment to Grant and Chris proves that.
I’ll now open the floor for questions.
Marv Albert: And it’s over! The Warriors beat the Timberwolves in 7 games in the first round of the playoffs! That was one of the better 1 vs 8 matchups I’ve ever seen, but David could not slay Goliath on this day!
Bill Walton: Watch out for these Wolves, though. They may be cubs now, but they will grow into Wolves before their run is up.
The footage switches to the next year, with the Kevin Johnson fist-pumping on the Wolves floor. Chris Webber shakes his head as he walks off court.
Marv Albert: The Wolves SWEPT on their home court. This team still has not tasted success in the playoffs!
Again the footage switches to a sad Chris Webber. Grant Hill tries to put his arm around Webber, but he shrugs it off.
Marv Albert: Another year, another sweep. And with Chris Webber reaching the final year of his rookie deal, you have to wonder if he wants to go somewhere with a better chance at a title!
Bill Walton: The Wolves are a good team, but the West is strong and they clearly don’t have the tools to compete with the beasts of the West.
One more switch. Shawn Kemp and Cedric Ceballos are hugging. Confetti drops to the floor as Grant Hill and Chris Webber slowly walk towards the locker room.
Marv Albert: The Warriors move on! The Wolves with another second round exit. Was this Grant Hill’s last game in Minnesota?
The projector clicks off harshly and the lights return. When they do, Wolves GM The JNR is standing at the podium. Seated next to him are Grant Hill, Chris Webber, Robert Pack, and Allan Houston.
The JNR: I believe you can’t move forward without acknowledging the past and learning from it. Our past in recent years has been bittersweet. Yes, I’ve turned this team into a perennial playoff team since trading away Clyde Drexler all those years ago. Eventually, though, playoff appearances aren’t enough. We wanted to win a playoff series, and we’ve now done it for two straight years. But we’ve reached the time where that too is no longer enough.
JNR gestures to Grant Hill, who smiles.
The JNR: With our financial situation, many people assumed that Grant Hill would be in another jersey this season. I won’t lie to you, it was very close to happening. I was afraid of spending too much money, afraid of being stuck in playoffs purgatory. Grant found a great offer in Oakland, and I almost let him take it.
But I couldn’t let it happen.
He bangs his fist on the table. Robert Pack jumps and lets out a girly squeak.
The JNR: I’ve worked too hard with this team. Grant and Chris are 26 and 25, respectively. This team is young and while we still have work to do, we don’t think we’ve reached our ceiling. This team has faced adversity every step of the way. It has gotten harder and harder ever year. But so have we.
Chris Webber: That sounds kinda dirty, sir.
The JNR (ignoring): That’s the thing about steps, gentlemen. They ascend. And every tough step we makes gets us closer to the ultimate prize. We have run into buzzsaws in the West, but we continue to get better. We’ve fortified our team with valuable depth. Doug Overton, Todd Day, and Oliver Miller will be very helpful in strengthening our bench. Tyronne Lue showed a ton of improvement in training camp. We’ve continued to stress defense, and we’re planning on sending Allan to a defense camp where he can improve his ability to stay in front of his man.
Allan Houston: Defense camp? That’s not like an internment camp, is it?
The JNR: We may have lost Michael Jordan, but I think this team is still better than it has been. Our goals haven’t changed. We’re ready to compete for a championship. Our commitment to Grant and Chris proves that.
I’ll now open the floor for questions.
/assets.sbnation.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/2860892/bruh.0.gif)
