Post by logpmess on Oct 22, 2014 19:28:38 GMT -6
Always changing locations, the presser is located at a local dive bar. The Heat organization rented out the bar and assembled stools around the main island bar located in the center of the room. All of the assistant coaches are currently working the bar. Curiously absent is GM logpmess and the entire team. The door from the kitchen opens up and you can catch a small glimpse of the entire team hustling around trying to keep up with orders. As the door to the kitchen opens, out walks logpmess with a megaphone in hand.
Logpmess: First of all I would like to welcome everyone for attending our preseason presser. After last season we have plenty of reasons to be in a bar that we will get to throughout the conference. Since we are in this fine establishment, a few rules are going to be set up for this press conference:
1. Everyone must have a drink at all times.
2. Everytime the following terms are stated, you must drink: Miami, Heat, any of our player's first or last name
3. If you don't drink for each of the aforementioned words, you will be kicked out. If anyone is kicked out, a round of shots on the house will be provided for all who remain.
Logpmess: I would like to say that all proceeds from tonights event are going towards the new Miami (drink) logo celebrating 10 years in this league. Here is a picture of our logo for this season:
Logpmess: Now lets go back to last year. We were having an average year to say the least. The team really wanted to do better than the 8th seed, but do to some injuries during the year to players such as Jackson (drink) and Payton (drink), we were only able to gain a playoff birth. As a whole, we had some confidence. We played well against the might Celtics all year. We were hit with the injury bug during that playoff matchup having to start the series with our starting SF day-to-day and ending it with our primary backup, and current reigning sixth man of the year, Cliff (drink) Robinson (drink) day-to-day by the end of the series. Overall, I am happy with how our squad handled the pressure, and lost in a good game 7. Although we wished GM Conroy and the Celtics luck going forward, we are ecstatic to see another team come out of the east. Congrats to J2 and the entire Wizards organization. And alone those notes, congrats to Darth and the World Championship Dallas Mavericks. The success of these squads leads us to believe in Miami (drink) that the Heat (drink) can make the push and become a champion as well.
Logpmess: On to the offseason. We are sorry to see Jeff Hornacek go. He was a valuable part of our rotation that gave leadership and support to our younger developing guys. Did y'all just drink for Jeff's name? He's not a member of the Heat (drink) anymore so it wasn't necessary. Another sad departure is Pete Chilcutt. He was a solid bench contributor and always a professional. As for our last and probably most talented player we lost this offseason, Eric Murdock was far less professional. Throughout the year he came to my office almost weekly complaining about lack of playing time and threatening to straight retire if he didn't get traded immediately. We didn't buy into his bluff and kept him around for the entire year. We are happy to see him go and hopes he can find fulfillment probably just backing up somebody else.
Logpmess: In return for the complainer, we got a starting shooting guard and shut down defender. Currently running an order of cheese fries out to table 3 everyone give a round of applause to Tharon Mayes. (drink x2) As a former member of our team, we were happy to see him develop into a top tier defender and welcome him back to the squad. We were able to draft a young and exciting PG out of Villanova, Alvin Williams (drink x2). We are hoping that the glove can help develop this rookie into a hell of a player. Rookie gets dishwashing duties tonight so don't be shy on using extra dishes. We are happy to welcome Matt Bullard (drink x2) as a veteran player. We are going to transition him to SF to backup our stud at that spot.
Logpmess: After a solid training camp that allowed our team as a whole to improve by 131 points, we are excited to make the next step towards a championship. I setting the bar high this season after last seasons success. I want a division crown. Since coming to the league, the division has been dominated by conroy. this past playoffs proved he is beatable, and we plan to do it. After the division, we are hoping to make a run in the playoffs. We know that we have the team to beat anyone in a 7 game series and we are excited to see what happens.
Logpmess: I almost forgot, why we are here to drink. We are drinking with happiness for the success of last years team, with remorse for the injuries that plagued us at the playoffs, with regret for the departure of some good players (pours a little out for the homies), and with anticipation for the upcoming season.
Logpmess: So on behalf of the Miami Heat organization, our stars in Payton, Jackson, and Robinson, our role players such as Delk, Wright, Ostertag, Haskin and Keefe, and our new guys in Mayes, Williams, and Bullard, the floor is now open up to questions. And fuck it, just finish your drinks for all of those names. (chugs.....)
Logpmess: First of all I would like to welcome everyone for attending our preseason presser. After last season we have plenty of reasons to be in a bar that we will get to throughout the conference. Since we are in this fine establishment, a few rules are going to be set up for this press conference:
1. Everyone must have a drink at all times.
2. Everytime the following terms are stated, you must drink: Miami, Heat, any of our player's first or last name
3. If you don't drink for each of the aforementioned words, you will be kicked out. If anyone is kicked out, a round of shots on the house will be provided for all who remain.
Logpmess: I would like to say that all proceeds from tonights event are going towards the new Miami (drink) logo celebrating 10 years in this league. Here is a picture of our logo for this season:
Logpmess: Now lets go back to last year. We were having an average year to say the least. The team really wanted to do better than the 8th seed, but do to some injuries during the year to players such as Jackson (drink) and Payton (drink), we were only able to gain a playoff birth. As a whole, we had some confidence. We played well against the might Celtics all year. We were hit with the injury bug during that playoff matchup having to start the series with our starting SF day-to-day and ending it with our primary backup, and current reigning sixth man of the year, Cliff (drink) Robinson (drink) day-to-day by the end of the series. Overall, I am happy with how our squad handled the pressure, and lost in a good game 7. Although we wished GM Conroy and the Celtics luck going forward, we are ecstatic to see another team come out of the east. Congrats to J2 and the entire Wizards organization. And alone those notes, congrats to Darth and the World Championship Dallas Mavericks. The success of these squads leads us to believe in Miami (drink) that the Heat (drink) can make the push and become a champion as well.
Logpmess: On to the offseason. We are sorry to see Jeff Hornacek go. He was a valuable part of our rotation that gave leadership and support to our younger developing guys. Did y'all just drink for Jeff's name? He's not a member of the Heat (drink) anymore so it wasn't necessary. Another sad departure is Pete Chilcutt. He was a solid bench contributor and always a professional. As for our last and probably most talented player we lost this offseason, Eric Murdock was far less professional. Throughout the year he came to my office almost weekly complaining about lack of playing time and threatening to straight retire if he didn't get traded immediately. We didn't buy into his bluff and kept him around for the entire year. We are happy to see him go and hopes he can find fulfillment probably just backing up somebody else.
Logpmess: In return for the complainer, we got a starting shooting guard and shut down defender. Currently running an order of cheese fries out to table 3 everyone give a round of applause to Tharon Mayes. (drink x2) As a former member of our team, we were happy to see him develop into a top tier defender and welcome him back to the squad. We were able to draft a young and exciting PG out of Villanova, Alvin Williams (drink x2). We are hoping that the glove can help develop this rookie into a hell of a player. Rookie gets dishwashing duties tonight so don't be shy on using extra dishes. We are happy to welcome Matt Bullard (drink x2) as a veteran player. We are going to transition him to SF to backup our stud at that spot.
Logpmess: After a solid training camp that allowed our team as a whole to improve by 131 points, we are excited to make the next step towards a championship. I setting the bar high this season after last seasons success. I want a division crown. Since coming to the league, the division has been dominated by conroy. this past playoffs proved he is beatable, and we plan to do it. After the division, we are hoping to make a run in the playoffs. We know that we have the team to beat anyone in a 7 game series and we are excited to see what happens.
Logpmess: I almost forgot, why we are here to drink. We are drinking with happiness for the success of last years team, with remorse for the injuries that plagued us at the playoffs, with regret for the departure of some good players (pours a little out for the homies), and with anticipation for the upcoming season.
Logpmess: So on behalf of the Miami Heat organization, our stars in Payton, Jackson, and Robinson, our role players such as Delk, Wright, Ostertag, Haskin and Keefe, and our new guys in Mayes, Williams, and Bullard, the floor is now open up to questions. And fuck it, just finish your drinks for all of those names. (chugs.....)
