Post by IamQuailman on Oct 20, 2014 20:22:55 GMT -6
...WHAT GMOY STANDS FOR!
GMOY this season will only have one meaning: Nick Malone. He is the one who has come to champion the league and become the first ever 2-Time GMOY. My name is IamQuailman, and I am the advocate and campaign manager for Sir Nicholas Malone of the Charlotte Hornets. Let me answer your first question first >> Why, Quail, why would you campaign for a rival GM who has already won GMOY before? It's simple: compensation. For a small undisclosed fee, I have vowed my services to Nicholas. If I fail to make him GMOY, I do not get compensated. So we are going hard, and NOT going home.
Your next question >> Why Nick? Why the fuck heck would I vote for that guy? Because after J2, Nick Malone rivals for the nicest GM of all the Sim League lands. He's a genuine man who is humble beyond all quantifiable measurements. He is also frank. He's not afraid to call you Louis even if you hate it... not because he's ignoring your requests, but because he respects you so much that he wants you to use that as fuel to make yourself better.
But, Quail, what does that have to do with GMing? Surely GMOY takes into considerations actual achievements to win. Hell no. GMOY, since its inception, has always been measured on pre-season dick sucking contests, most improvement made and post-season success. If this award was based solely on in-season success, PaulyP, Conroy, and BowtotheBullshit would win it every season. Due to enormous amounts of salt deposits after some early races, the rules were tweaked to prevent post-season success from intervening in award voting*. Anyway, I digress. What exactly has Nick done this pre-season to make him so ERMEHGERDGMOY material? See Exhibit A below:
Yes, that is Brad Daugherty, an immovable behemoth contract, being moved on a boat to sunny Phoenix. (How exactly does a boat land in Phoenix? Nick doesn't give a fuck as long as Brad's gone.) In return, not only got a young point guard in Damon Stoudamire (in which he needed more than the Nuggets need cap relief), he got paid MAX POINTS for him. Not to mention, according to Sources, Damon Stoudamire has improved his quickness ten-fold in the off-season. What a freaking steal (you'll be saying that a lot with Damon this season).
Exhibit B: Jamal Mashburn comes IRL home. Mashburn was a real Hornets player in the real world. Not only does Nick care about building a strong, inside focused team... Nick cares about historical accuracy. Many scoff at Jamal's signing, calling it an "overpay". But when you got money (Nick saw a fortuneteller pre-FA and knew he was moving Fat Brad D.), he decided on making it rain on you sim league hoes. Gugliotta and Mashburn ain't nothing to fuck with.
Nick Malone isn't done yet. We are still awaiting the results of Round 3 of Free Agency and the looming training camp. We'll be touching on these and other things as Nick takes this Sim League season by the motherfucking CAJONES and becomes the frontrunner for GMOY.
Feeling pretty pumped about your ballot? I bet it looks like this right now:
It'll look like that at the end of the season too.
Just remember... #Nick4GMOY!
DON'T BE A DICK; VOTE FOR NICK.
* Asterisk for the sake of having an ironic asterisk.
